I don’t know what to do anymore. Is there actually anything outside these four walls? My bed has become a comfortable foundation for this horrid mess I happen to got myself into. There doesn’t seem to be an easy explanation for as to how I got myself into this, or as to how I am meant to get myself out. But somehow, I must change this, because otherwise my life will be filled with sadness again. And I don’t think my life will be long if there is sadness again. My breath is almost invisible here, it’s almost gone. I can see it, but just about… I know it will fade completely at some point sooner or later, and I am wondering as to when this time will come, and if I can pro long it. The problem I have, is that no matter what I do to change things, if the change isn’t what is frightening, it is the outcome. I am afraid of everything, and this doesn’t help my matter in any way. I am frightened to leave this very deep hole I seem to be hiding in. I’m scared of what is out there, more than I am of loosing my breathe in this hole. The voice I once had is gone, and I feel I have too much too lose. Surely there is something waiting for me? The strength I found in this wonderful man, has also made me scared of loosing it. Which means, surely it is not strength at all.
